Whether you've tried dating online or offline, everyone agrees that it can be difficult. How much personal information should you share with complete strangers?
One thing is clear. If you post a picture from your best school year which is over ten years old, and your bio is cut and pasted from a combo of Forbes List of rising Entreprenurs to watch, and you've photo shopped yourself in front a house you saw in Architectural Digest, you're really going to eventually disappoint someone. Even if that someone is you. Lies beget lies.
Before my father married his second wife, his online profile was what he thought was his best picture from his business card and work id from the 1970's. He also posted his age to be the same as my older sister.
He sheepishly reminded my sister and I that he was her age, in fact, even younger in that picture. As you can imagine, we sat stunned while mentally washing our brains with a toothbrush. Remove the plaque of any scarred memories please. This was one of them.
He did eventually find someone. It wasn't online. It was through a "mutual friend". I say "mutual friend" lightly.
He eventually remarried. She is a very smart professional woman who was clearly just having a weak moment when she ignored all the red flags. She says she overlooked some things because he had such loving children. That's another story for another day.
The point is they are now separated. Apparently, he couldn't keep his mask on and he wasn't willing to change. He just "changed back." One can only hold one's breath for so long.
Just be yourself. You are most likely to find people with mutual interests if you are participating and sharing those genuine interests (art, museums, music, dancing, bird watching etc.) You get the idea.
Take the time to work on yourself. Discover what you do and do not like.
You'll eventually find someone who likes you just the way you are, flaws and all. Just be ready to accept theirs too. It's all a part of the process of growing up and growing old with someone who understands and accepts you.
"Give instruction to a wise person, and he will become wiser still; teach a righteous person and he will add to his learning." Proverbs 9:9
Value time? "Seek God to help you", says the wise man. Begging is not required. Just ask.
As a non-denominational Christian, I am grateful to say I have received a few priceless gifts from GOD during the LORD's High Holidays. Sadly, it turns out most of the popular, though well meaning, Christian holidays such as Easter and Christmas have pagan origins.
The Judaic High Holidays are still the LORD's Feasts. Jews say it's when GOD draws near, but it's been my personal experience that GOD is always near. Rosh Hashanah and the other high holidays are simply times when people draw near to or "return to GOD".
"Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon." Isaiah 55:6-7
You don't have to be a Jew to benefit from Rosh Hashanah. This month of Elul is said to be the birthday of creation and a time to reflect on the past year.
Pull out your journal. Assess your progress.
How much have you grown since last year? What have you learned? What have you accomplished? How much have you given? This is not a time to be selfish. It's a time for introspection and re-alignment with GOD.
It's a time to forgive others with whom you still hold a grudge. It's a time to assess your short comings and ask GOD for help in those areas.
Jews approach this time with reverential fear as GOD decides who lives and who dies. That can be literal or metaphorical as it can also mean a year of poverty or prosperity.
In Christianity, we are told the blood of Jesus has washed away our sins. It is true that GOD sacrificed Jesus to pay for the sins of humanity.
However, this annual "soul check up" is both healthy and necessary. Many Christians receive salvation and sit like a lump of clay for the rest of their lives waiting for the rapture.
No one outside of you is judging you. It's just you and GOD. This is an opportunity to develop and grow. It's also a time to give and be as charitable as you can be and beyond your comfort zone.
Generosity helps you to overcome selfishness and balance out any areas of weakness. Generosity also gives perspective. When you open your hand to others, you open your heart to GOD (love). GOD rewards a generous giver.
In Christianity, we are told GOD opens the book at the end of your life to see if you've received salvation and thus your name written in the Book of Life. Then the LORD opens the Second Book to see your works (good deeds) and rewards you accordingly. However, if your good deeds are lagging, there's no time to correct it. It's too late.
You can't claim the wisdom and good deeds of your pastors, rabbis, parents, grandparents, saints, or prophets. You must get knowledge for yourself and sow your own seeds. Are you familiar with the parable of the ten virgins? (See Matthew 25)
When the Messiah arrives, five foolish virgins are scrambling around for oil. They ask five wise ones for some of theirs. The five wise ones say go buy your own lest we not have enough for you nor ourselves either. That oil (wisdom and sincere acts of kindness) is what you've collected over your lifetime. It's for eternity.
Based on your deeds from the previous year, GOD determines whether to bless you or curse you the next year. Yet you decide. It's all based upon the seeds and deeds you've sown.
I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: Deuteronomy 30:19
If you realize you didn't really do your best, GOD gives you forty days to both repent and correct your focus. Can you earn GOD's love? No, you can not. GOD is love.
Keep that truth close to your heart. GOD loves you. Say it to yourself continuously while you're assessing yourself from the previous year. "GOD loves me."
The LORD does not want to punish you except that it will get you back on the right track. GOD wants to reward you more than you can imagine. But it must be in alignment with GOD's ways. SIN means you missed the target.
You may have lied, stolen, cheated or not spoken up for righteousness when you had the opportunity to do so. Repent. Return to GOD. Read the Living Word of GOD via the Holy Bible daily. The Holy Spirit leaps off the pages and into your heart and mind. GOD's Word will guide you.
The goal is, and always has been, for humanity to come back into alignment with the true and Living GOD. Ultimately, this should not be done seasonally but as a way of life. Then the end will come.
The month of Elul should be utilized by all to realize GOD is calling all home. However, only the righteous shall enter and remain. You can't do it alone. You need the LORD GOD's help. We all do.
Elul is a time of self-reflection that will benefit anyone who sees its true purpose. The rewards are bountiful and boundless. GOD always goes beyond your best wish list.
Any "correction" during this season is an opportunity to change your final address from Destination Pit (curses) to Destination Eden (eternal blessings). The end of your life is just too late to negotiate with GOD.
Happy Rosh Hashanah. May this next year and every year thereafter be especially sweet, healthy and prosperous for you!
###
"And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving-kindness, and in mercies.
I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the LORD.
And it shall come to pass in that day, I will hear, saith the LORD, I will hear the heavens, and they shall hear the earth;
And the earth shall hear the corn, and the wine, and the oil; and they shall hear Jezreel.
And I will sow her unto me in the earth; and I will have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy; and I will say to them which were not my people, Thou art my people; and they shall say, Thou art my GOD." Hosea 2:19-23
Love requires a measure of trust and vulnerability. However, if you're really measuring, you've already lost. Because the cost and the commitment of true love are unlimited.
Courtesy of KissPNG.com
You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You have to trust another with the affairs of your heart. You must be trustworthy. When you get it right, you've earned that person's trust and you've gained a true partner to help you hold the reigns through life's journey.
Unfortunately, more people plan for the wedding than they do the marriage journey. And you should know that it is a journey.
You have to be brave to love. Though it's for better or worse and through sickness and good health until death do you part, most people gamble. They hope they've found someone with whom life and love will always be better, healthier, and eternal. That only happens with an everlasting GOD. Few are ever prepared for the challenges of love which can test the strength and foundation of a relationship.
For the Spirit which God has given us is not a spirit of cowardice, but one of power and of love and of sound judgment. 2 Timothy 1:7
Life has chapters. There are many firsts. First marriage. First home purchase. First baby. First job loss. First career change. And those don't include the surprises which we won't mention. They just find you soon enough. Hopefully, yours are sweet.
Through love, prayer and faith, the canoe becomes a boat, then a yacht, and if you stay the course, it's like a cruise ship. Or perhaps it just seems that way as you have learned to ignore many of the things that once rocked your boat.
You've weathered life's storms together. You've leaned on your faith and your God. Your two entwined marital chords are now thicker, wiser and stronger.
Your love has now multiplied. You now have children. You've taught them timeless and valuable life skills and lessons that they too can pass on to their children.
You've learned how to focus on what truly matters and let go of the silly, petty stuff. You've learned how to "get through" to "get to" life's most precious moments.
You've learned that with GOD all things are possible. And finally, you've learned that perfected love casts out all fear.
Yes, you have to be brave to love. But if you've never loved, you've never truly lived.
###
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18
Of all the questions GOD asks in the bible, the question before Adam and Eve still evades most people today. After all, since GOD is perfect, shouldn't all GOD's creations be so too?
"Who told you that you were naked?" the LORD God asked. "Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?" Genesis 3:11
The question itself is a double edged sword. Before Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of God and Evil, they shared everything with God. They were transparent literally and metaphorically.
They conversed with GOD daily. They created with God. They brought their issues to God. They solved their problems with God.
It's like a couple when they get married. Your parents are still your parents, but in a healthy relationship, they each then become your mentor. You never stop loving or needing your parents. You just need their love and support in a different way.
Contrastly, the worst thing you can do is consult with soap operas a.k.a "Reality Tv" or a group of single friends about your marriage. None of these people know and love you unconditionally and truly want what is best for you and your spouse. At best, their love is generic. It's a substitute for the real thing God gave you from your parents and your spouse. When you commit a wrongful act, your parents and spouse can bring you back into alignment from a place of love.
Don't get me wrong. There are some good friends out there who will be truthful and honest with you.
But your parents came together under a Covenant with GOD in marriage and you did the same with your spouse. Therefore, there is an invisible but ever present ally you have with GOD. That ALLY is perfect.
When you and your spouse bring everything and I do mean EVERYTHING to the true and Living GOD during the good times and the bad times, there is no shame. There is only trust. The Tree of Good and Evil is the generic alternative, maybe this or maybe that.
Regardless of what others may say, you know in your heart that GOD and your spouse truly love you and want only the very best for you and your family.You know that no matter what, your perfect ally, GOD, will always (eventually) get you back on track when you ask and wait patiently.That's the beauty and significance of being ever naked before GOD.
###
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him,and He will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
If your love is a two way street, then your love is headed in the opposite direction. Love is not give and take. It's give and give.
Give and take implies one of you is winning and one of you is losing. True love always finds a way to give. It's not the size or the cost of the gift, but the thought, love, and attention that went into the giving. So if both of you are giving, then each of you is receiving. It's no coincidence that God is the greatest giver. God is LOVE. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 1 John 4:16
God constantly seeks people willing to receive continuous streams of love. After all, the sun doesn't just shine over the righteous. We all get to experience the sunshine.
So if you're dating and looking for a suitable mate to eventually marry, be sure both you and that person are givers. Two givers create balance and create continuous and lasting joy. That's the foundation of a healthy marriage.
Remember, love gives. That's really all you need to know.
